Author Archive: vshopp90

How To Make Effective Decisions

  Complex decision making is a part of everyone’s life. The decisions we make shape our life. Some important decisions people are faced with are: Should I go to college? What career should I pursue? Where should I move? The PrOACT model is one of the most effective decision making models to use when making …

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How To Feel Better About Yourself

Often a person comes into therapy wanting to improve their self esteem. They feel bad about themselves in comparison to others. I find the concept of self esteem to be outdated and often useless or even detrimental. Most people identify self esteem as how they feel about themselves. This is measured by others expectations of …

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The Rule of Reciprocation: Why We Feel Obligated to Return the Favor

The rule of reciprocation is one of the most powerful tools of influence. This rule essentially says that if someone gives something to us, we feel obligated to repay that debt. How many times have you borrowed something and felt obliged to return in in better condition? How many times have you received a gift …

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The Grief Cycle

Grief can be a wild ride, or grief can be a gentle sail across a smooth lake. Grief is not something to get over, something to move through, or something to stuff away. Rather, grief can be a process that adds depth to our being and meaning and purpose to our lives. There is no …

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Why Do Difficult Conversations Threaten Our Identity?

The article “Identity and Difficult Conversations” explains how identity issues can threaten our identity, but we have the power to learn from the issues and ground our identity. Identity issues revolve around three core concerns: 1) Am I competent? 2) Am I good person? 3) Am I worthy of love? When humans are communicating, especially …

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Rules For Fair Fighting

Disagreeing with one another is an inevitable piece of every relationship. So how do we fight with kindness, respect, and fairness? Here are some tips on fair fighting: Start from a place of love. What you say will be burned in their heart. Monitor your voice speak softly and calmly. Be curious of the others …

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