Rules For Fair Fighting

Disagreeing with one another is an inevitable piece of every relationship. So how do we fight with kindness, respect, and fairness? Here are some tips on fair fighting:

  • Start from a place of love. What you say will be burned in their heart.
  • Monitor your voice speak softly and calmly.
  • Be curious of the others person’s position. Do you really understand what    they are saying and where their feelings come from?
  • Clarify what you both are discussing. Is it the same topic?
  • Be as specific as possible about what you are discussing.
  • Ask questions.
  • Remember you can’t read your partners mind. And they can’t read yours.
  • Discuss only one topic at a time.
  • Set a time limit. 30 minutes is long enough.
  • Set up an appointment to finish discussing the issue. Then keep the appointment.
  • Recognize the difference between your feelings and your thoughts.
  • No yelling, no name calling, no blaming, and no bringing up the past.

The goal is NOT to WIN. This is a relationship, and when one person wins everyone really loses.

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